Wayne Rooney

Manchester United

Of course Colleen didn’t marry you for your money Wayne. It was because you are aggressive, moody, pale, fat and have a spud for a head. DURR!

Age

12

Position

Striker

Birthplace

Middle Earth

Lookalike

Gollum/Smeagol

Pre-match meal

Kebabs

Superstition

Always visit a massage parloud the night before each game

Ugly rating